Letting You Go is Hell
by jisusa-chan
Summary: .the title may change. A monster and a girl. He needed me as much as I needed me. We started but I knew it was going to end. It will never last--nothing does. But I knew deep in my heart, he'd keep my hand and hold tight... like the way I won't let him go


**CHAPTER 1: MEETING HIM**

A monster? In this village? Unbelievable…

"_It's true! Why won't you believe us?"_

Why would I believe them when I see so much more to him than what they tell me?

"_That's because you never heard of the legend haven't you?"_

Besides, how can an innocent child like him be one? I mean, I'm a kid too, right?

"_The Kazekage should do something about this. He shouldn't be letting him out like that… Or else…"_

Why would they torture a boy like him? Look at him! He looks so… so… innocent…

"_People aren't dumb to go near him. So don't you dare go to him as well, young lady. Is that clear?!!"_

Innocent…

--

There I was, looking at him again, hiding, never minding of the things they spoke about him. Those words that dug deep into his heart—and mine as well—because of their harsh contents. It was just too much if it was said to me. My mother told me not to go near him as well. But, why not? It's not like what they say is true…right?

_Was he really…a monster?_

No. I didn't care. I didn't care whether he was a monster or something else. There was something that was making me look at him, his red hair and blue eyes. I used to think I was his stalker, following him everywhere. But then again, I _was_ his stalker, because I knew him more than anyone else.

I knew his capabilities. I knew his personality. I knew his every move. It wasn't scary. In fact, it was…friendly. He was trying hard to make friends of his own. But they wouldn't accept it no matter what he did. And it was painful to watch him cry by himself.

Once, my friends even told me not to go near him just like my mother. They said that he was nothing but a monster, a killer. They said he was a bloodthirsty child that only wanted to kill and kill. Fear grew in me when I heard their words. But when I look at him, why can't I see the kind of person they describe? Was I just imagining things? Was I just being fooled by my mind?

_No…_

My eyes were as clear as they were and my ears weren't abnormal. I was perfectly fine. So I ignored them all, because the person they see isn't what I see but a friendly boy that just wants to make friends.

But everyday I question myself, why do I keep hiding from him? Why can't I just take control of my feet and walk towards him? I could feel the ribbon on my feet pulling me towards him, but suddenly, there would be something that would cut it. And I just want to destroy that stupid scissor cutting my chances of making the people change the way they look at him. But I just can't. _I just can't…_

Until one day, I spotted him all alone, sitting in the swing again, in the same playground he always goes to. I noticed he wasn't carrying his teddy bear. And he wore the same sad face everyday. Oh, I just wish I could walk towards him and somehow talk to him. But as usual, the scissor just keeps on cutting my ribbon.

The kids that usually play there was several yards away from him—_as usual_—and one of them were my neighbors. And as the day couldn't get any better, she noticed me near him. _Oh, crap!_

She looked at me for a long time. I tried my best not to make eye contact to her. Suddenly, she waved at me. And I saw him wonder where she was waving at.

"Oi, Natsu-chan! What are you doing there, hiding from us? Come here and play with us!" she shouted all the way from a distance.

He learned that my neighbor wasn't calling him but me, the stupid and careless stalker of his. He looked at me and I flinched. _Oh, double crap!_ He looked at me for 5 whole seconds—and I didn't know why I blushed at his eyes. Then, he looked back to my neighbor and she showed a face of surprise and fear. The other kids saw him glaring at them. I didn't know what expression he was showing them.

"N…Natsu-chan, get away from him! He's a mon-" she was cut by his movements—he suddenly stood. Then, my neighbor and her friends swiftly ran, leaving me behind, screaming and shouting the word "monster".

And with that, we were alone.

Seconds have passed where silence overcame. Neither of us moved an inch as wind blew softly, swaying my short hair and the swings too. It was too silent…

Suddenly, his head moved. I flinched once more. His head turned around and we made eye-to-eye contact again.

"Are you…" he spoke first and made my ears listen to his small voice. "…going to run away?"

I froze in shock.

_I see…_ He was capable of knowing the real nature of his environment. He knew that people were really afraid of him. He knew that no matter what he'd do, nothing was going to change the fact that he was an image of death and monstrosity in this village of his. He knew it all, but he chose to ignore them because he believed he might be able to change it. _Just like what I wanted to…_

When I realized these things, I looked at him seriously and shook my head.

I felt an aura of relief from him. It made my heart melt in happiness. I finally felt something like that from him. And I realized that this was the first time he noticed me. I blushed secretly in amazement.

He looked away, like he was trying to keep his feelings obvious. "I-I see…"

Silence came again. I didn't know what to do anymore. But why? There are so many things I wanted to tell him but why can't I blurt it out now?

"You're the…" he uttered out all of the sudden. I looked at him in curiosity—though he wasn't looking at me. I wanted to know what he thought of me. "…you're the first one that…didn't run away from me…"

Then, he looked at me and did something that made me completely melt and blush—smile.

I blushed with my eyes widening in surprise.

_I have never seen him smile before…_

Was I dreaming? Was I hallucinating? No, I wasn't. I wasn't dreaming. I was awake. And this was reality, this was really happening. And I wished he was thinking the same.

I smiled back. Then suddenly, my feet and arms moved on their own and I found the courage in walking towards him, abandoning my hiding place. He noticed this and his smile faded and I saw him wonder and show a shocked expression. Maybe he didn't know how to handle someone so nice that was coming near him. Maybe…

Then, I stopped walking, near enough for me to jump towards his position.

"Why…" he suddenly spoke again. "Why aren't afraid of me?"

"…" my smile faded and was replaced with shock.

His question repeated in my mind. And I couldn't find the answer as well. I didn't know why. Why wasn't I scared of him? All this time, all those days that I looked at him, I didn't ask myself the same question.

"I…" I whispered, looking down.

I could feel him waiting for my answer.

"I…" it felt awkward, since I didn't even know what to answer. But he was waiting. I had to answer. "…don't know."

"Eh?"

"I don't know." I repeated.

"Wh…what do you mean you don't know? Everything happens for a reason right? B…but how come you don't know yours?" he asked in a confused tone.

"Because I said so!" I smiled at him.

"Huh?"

I chuckled, hearing him wonder at what I said. Well, it was the truth after all. I didn't know why I wasn't afraid of him so, what else would I answer than what I know?

"You're right about what you said." I added.

He blinked, and I was sure that caught his attention.

"Everything happens for a reason."

He listened.

"So maybe… I _am_ here for a reason. I just don't what it is."

"…o…oh…" he sighed.

"But what I know is, I came here for my _own_ special reason." I continued, still smiling.

"Your… own special reason?"

I nodded.

"…"

Then, I raised my hand towards him and he jumped in surprise. My palm faced upward because I was waiting for his hand to take it. He just looked at it and looked at me with questions in his eyes.

"Would you like to be my friend," I declared. "…Gaara-kun?"

His eyes widened again as he heard me.

"F…friend?"

"Yeah!" I nodded again.

"B-but I… I don't know what… that means…" he bowed his head.

My eyes blinked this time. My smile disappeared. He… doesn't know? He doesn't know what "friend" means…

"You… really don't know?" I asked once more.

He nodded.

"Oh…"

"I-I'm sorry. I didn't mean to. I really don't… I just really don't know… what it is…" his voice looked like he was about to cry.

"N-no! It's alright. It's not your fault. Umm…" Great, now I'm the startled one.

But then, an idea popped in my head to make him smile again.

"Then…we'll discover the meaning together." I offered my hand again. "As friends!"

His eyes stayed on me and maybe he was thinking of his decision.

"Friends…" he repeated, his eyes softening.

I nodded, retaining my smile.

Then, his head bent down, thinking deeply. "I… I don't know what "friends" is. And I don't know what I would do now. But…now that you're here…" he looked at me, with a hint of a smile slowly forming.

I blinked, still listening.

"…I guess…I'll come with you…" he smiled completely. "…as friends…right?"

I nodded. "Of course!"

As he noticed that my hand was still floating in front of us, he slowly raised his and took mine. Automatically, our hands circled around each other. As we felt each other's warmth, I felt myself blush but I didn't care. He blushed a little too, but we were both smiling.

I walk closer to him and finally, I introduced myself as Natsuki Mamoru, his first friend. I promised to him that I would stay beside him whatever happens. He smiled more and after that, he went back to the swing, but this time, with me. He finally felt loved and I finally found the courage to be with him.

I pushed him back and forth, swinging happily by the wind. I saw him smile and laugh with me. I heard him call my name so many times, telling me that he was only trying to get used to calling a friend—_like me_. I was a bit flattered to be his first and only friend. And the feeling was indescribable. It was as if nothing mattered anymore.

The sun was about to set and I noticed it. I looked at the sky and smiled at its beautiful colors. I looked back at him and saw his smile fade away.

"Do you really have to go?" he asked, almost as if he was pouting.

With his face, I managed to smile and reply, "We'll still meet tomorrow, I'm sure!"

"You promise?"

I nodded.

I showed my hand with my pinky finger extended. He raised an eyebrow with wonder. I chuckled and told him that it would be a sign of our promise. He smiled after that, taking my pinky finger with his. We shook it three times and promised a friendship that will surely last forever. Suddenly, he whispered something I never expected he managed to say…

My eyes widened, but then I smiled. I nodded with his statement and we let go of each other. I walked backwards and turned around. I ran slowly away. And when I was several yards away from him, I waved one last time at him. Because deep inside me, I knew we would definitely meet the day after. He waved back at me, remembering every detail of my face and smile.

I ran towards home, retaining my wide smile. I treasured every moment I was with him. I knew he kept those memories in his heart, and so did I. I knew he'd keep our promise and I would too. I knew he'd always wait for me in the same playground like I would if he'd be the one who's late. I knew I'd never forget his face the same way he wouldn't. I knew I'd never forget everything about him, especially his warm smile. I knew it would always be the best time I will ever have in my stay here in Tsunagakure. I knew I'd keep it all to myself, since my mom would seriously kill me if she'd learn that I actually played with him. But I didn't care. It was all so special and precious to me. I'm sure I'd follow what he told me back then, because I finally learned that in our own differences, anyone is special in his own way. And I knew personally that Gaara was no where the monstrosity the strangers keep on saying. Because he's my friend, I will never forget him. I will never let him go…

…Just like what he whispered to me back then…

"_I'll never let you go… Natsu-chan…"_

6


End file.
